Valentine's Day Massacre Avoided

Shops were filled with chocolate hearts, cuddly toys and red roses. Valentine's Day had whizzed its way around the calendar in record speed. Bewildered young men frantically paced up and down department stores in consumer hell, trying to telepathically decipher their girlfriend’s wish list.

Interflora estimates that £22 million was spent on Valentine's Day flowers, with red roses accounting for a third of this. If all the boxes of chocolates sold by Thorntons were placed on top of each other, they would reach a mountainous height of five kilometres.

And it's the men that came out on top in this frenetic cash-fuelled holiday. Surprise research results revealed that women gave 84 per cent of all gifts but only received 61 per cent themselves. The fairer sex also got landed with buying and wrapping up nearly all of the presents given by a couple to a loved one.

So here’s a friendly warning to all of the guys who attempted to reach for an ironing board cover from the shop shelf as a romantic prezzie for  their partner - STOP! She wouldn't have appreciated you thinking that her nights should be spent pressing the creases out of one of your crumpled shirts. Be careful, because you could have ended up with an iron flattening out the furrows on your worried forehead.

Here are five suggestions that will pole volt you into the good books of the modern day material girl in future:

1. Tell her she’ll never have to put in another day at the office again, that you’ll take responsibility for the mortgage and that red letter bills are a thing of the past as long as you’re around.

2. Monolo Blahniks and Jimmy Choo shoes are a must for a city girl who spends most of her nights in the swankiest bars and nightclubs in town. A good pair of sling backs will ensure you don’t have to carry her home after a long night out.

3. You hate shopping right? Much rather spend the weekend watching footie on the telly? What better way to do that, than to send your partner and her best friend away on a shopping trip to New York.  You won’t have to endure an evening at Luigi’s or spend hours at Marks and Spencer excruciatingly trying to pick out ‘sexy' underwear for your her in doors.

4. A romantic drive in the country in a rented Aston Martin. Or just buy her the Aston Martin! Think of all the times you could borrow it.

5. Diamond earrings from Tiffany’s never fail to impress. The sparkle in the nine carat will make you the twinkle in her eye.

These tips will ensure that your Valentine's Day passes by without any sneers or dagger style looks in your direction. And prevent you from becoming victim to a Lorena Bobbit style gift on the morning of the night before - your privates on a platter.