WORLD CUP BLOG - By Phil Simms

Product Recall: Sven FC 

It's a faulty product that causes millions of people to get their hopes up – but then fails dismally when actually given a job to do. Only works for a maximum of 45 minutes – no more. Has one missing part, integral for the team to function properly. Formation is easily put out of shape if constantly changed or pushed about a bit by superior opposition. In some cases it may contain holes in the back line. There is nothing up front – too light weight and easily broken down. Danger of over heating if put in direct sunlight.  


Queasy does it

England Captain David Beckham scored his first goal in three years to sink a spirited and well-organised Ecuador side. Apart from the unbelievably melodramatic fouls and poor refereeing, Beckham’s goal was probably the single most entertaining thing of all England’s performances so far this World Cup – because it was actually bloody good. 

In truth the game was another shocker and had all the makings of a bore draw and England falling foul by way of the penalty spot once again. But Captain Marvel came up with the corker.

That said, once again England’s midfield was awful – although Carrick probably deserves to keep his place and no, this is not a misprint. But the Canadian-born Owen Hargreaves has actually played rather well in the past two games first in midfield, then at right-back. I mean this says it all if Hargreaves is the one that puts in the best performances. Also Frank Lampard, for me, has been a major disappointment and needs to sort himself out in the upcoming fixture against Portugal. 

Rooney has illustrated, although he worked tirelessly, and played rather well, that he cannot play as a lone striker. This is not to belittle his performances. But  he naturally comes deep to collect the ball and is more of a linking player. But if Rooney is up front on his own he has no one to link up with. This thereby restricts us to long shots – but with the likes of Lampard failing to even score in a brothel – I think a change of tactic is needed. Moreover, is all that physical abuse the thing Rooney really needs in his quest for match fitness – probably not, he could face a possible burn out.  

I do like the look of Aarron Lennon. He has quick feet and natural pace and is frightening defences – we create more chances and look like we are going to score more when he comes on. Sven, why not start him or at least bring him on early so he can make a real impact – not when we are trying to protect a lead?

With the game on Saturday against Portugal – I expect nothing less than a win. With the likes of midfield talisman Deco our suspended from play, main centre-back Costinha also serving a suspension we should be comfortably winning this.  

Argie Bargie

My bet is still safe – Argentina just came through a hard fought match against Mexico – they can go away having done themselves proud. Indeed, they probably deserved to win it. But what a fantastic goal they scored to finish the tie! Once again Leo Messi looks a major threat – why on earth he is not starting I don’t know.

Disabled fans ejected for dancing

Three Argentinian football fans were thrown out of their team’s World Cup clash with Holland for pretending to be disabled. The fans bought wheelchairs and then bought special cheap tickets reserved for disabled fans to get into the match.

But their ruse was discovered when one of the trio got carried away by the game and started jumping up and down. One of the three, who gave his name as only Gustavo, said: “Our friend couldn't stop jumping and a person near us thought there was a miracle happening.”

Another of the group, Claudio, added: “We are embarrassed by what we did, but we had no alternative. We did not have the money to pay for a ticket.”

Extremely bad taste – but very funny.